How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
