nut hugger
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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