I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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