Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
