I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
