I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I've blown a few things in my day
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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