when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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