i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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