Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
