He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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