He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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