hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
