so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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