Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
