So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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