Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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