Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
