i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
