I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
