McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
