So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
