well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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