You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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