Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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