Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
