He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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