Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
