Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
