Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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