never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
