the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
