The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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