I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
