DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
