I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
