pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
