Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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