I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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