does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
