she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
