Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
