i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
