I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So vagazzling was a success
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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