I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
