And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she looked like the before picture.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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