The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
