yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
