if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
