Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
