Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
