I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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