Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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